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alex noble
May 2008 
NOTES: Being Nice
Posted on May 29th, 2008
by 
AlexNoble
AlexNoble
Our culture places a premium on "being nice," and this leads to a lot of falsity, fakery and insincerity. How often do I step aside from an honest response in order to be nice? How often do I deprive another of my honest and heartfelt response, in order to be seen as nice? I wonder, as I watch myself now in awkward situations, if any genuine good is ever done by failing to be true to my real feelings. While it takes discipline, courage and self-awareness to risk being seen as a "not nice" person, surely there is a benefit in being able to be authentic in the moment, if this is done with love and integrity. There is freedom in knowing that while I do not always have to be "nice," I can always be loving and truthful.
Alex Noble
Access: Public
Alex:
I couldnt say it better:):)
This is so utterly true!
Albert
Hi Alex,
Interesting… Unfortunately (and I do say unfortunately) I'm not always nice but do say what is on my mind and that just isn't always nice stuff. So I'm being very authentic and truthful to myself and I tell you it is not always appreciated. Actually, esp. people who don't know me well often take offense in my outspokenness.
I have just moved to Sri Lanka where people are extremely nice and saying negative things even if they are true is taken very hard and it's a losing one's face issue to be insulted in such a way. So I really have to pull myself together and I have to admit that I'm still working on it. I esp. fail when it comes to privacy and what I'd call personal space. I have lived in countries where it was essential to be very clear about not wanting people to intrude your personal space/privacy or else you were seen as loose so I am used to being very outspoken and clear in situations where I feel intimidated and I haven't found out yet whether I am really being intimidated in these situations or whether it is just carefree “innocent” behavior by my counterparts and I am seen as extremely rude telling people off.
So generally, not always being nice, what I wish for is to have a little more of that nicety and a little less of that honesty in me - or (and I think this is actually essential) that I learn how to be honest in a nice and loving way as opposed to the rude and bitchy way I often choose (out of insecurity?). Working on it…
Cheers,
Jenny.